How do you trust god?

— How could anyone say anything that affects your trust in god?

— It’s a good question… but why do you ask? Could no one make you question your trust in god ?

— Of course they could / but then they give me the best homework I could ever get

— that’s a cool outlook

— If I question trust in god after someone says something, that’s an opportunity for me to find out how could that sentence or that word affect the deepest trust I could ever have? What did that sentence reveal to me about my idea of god?

My friend, you are brave! You are able to face darkness that most just run away from and live in oblivion forever!

— Thanks! Same to you!

— Anyway, I want to make sure I am here for you the way you want me to be…

— I have a belief that god wants me to be happy and fulfilled, and receive all the blessings I ever dreamt of.. but then when I get handed a difficult situation.. it really test my faith. I do realize there are lessons and challenges that we need to face before those things can happen.. and that we can also act in ways that get in the way of god blessings. Which I definitely did in this situation… but then my faith is hard to bridge at that point.. is this blessing that god gave me?.. but if it’s not.. how do I do this ? And why would I be put in this situation? It’s hard for me to find the god I have those belief around in this situation..

— This is a lot to unpack. first of all, thank you for sharing!

Ok first thing that comes to mind: My grandmother used to say, if you want to make god laugh, tell her your plans!

— Wise grandma haha

— If you want to make god laugh, tell her your plans. So we will never know how it looks like in the end and we there is no point in trying to control for that, it might be the biggest challenge when trying to stay present, what if, who, how which, all the questions that pop up in our head and the attachments that come with it… ahhh such a circus!

— Yes for sure.. this is why I need faith. Because without it I am literally screwed.. lol but there’s some things that surrender feels so hard.

— oh of course, you are being tested according to your ability. Poor kids being shot in Palestine today are the bravest and the strongest souls you can find on this earth. Every soul gets challenged according to its bravery and ability to match the divine. You are so strong and so brave, your challenge is bigger than most others.

— Do you know about the wheel of Samsara?

— Buddhism, right?

— correct. Well I am referencing it because in Buddhism there is a really really interesting idea that I have not come across in any other philosophy or religion. Most religions or ideologies tell you: If you keep strong faith, you will manifest heaven and your life will be blissful and you would have earned your lottery ticket to the most amazing life there is.

In Buddhism, bliss realm is hell realm. When I first heard that it was like a mind-fuck. I was like wait what do you mean? Arent we supposed to keep manifesting positive realities? My friend who was explaining it to me said: Well, you sure can keep trying to manifest positive realities, and you most definitely can. (enough people talk about manifesting mansions and bloated bank accounts and they succeed at doing it so we cant deny it.) however, the trick here, is in the buddhist eye, blissfulness is ignorance. Living in a happy pleasureable state is a karmic trap. Pretty weird, right?

I know I am going a bit far with this and you might be over it, but we are almost there… So what do Buddhists believe to be the path worth exploring? The path of connecting one’s own suffering to others. Why would that be the eternal path? Because it leads to awareness and openning the mind. When the mind is chasing happiness and bliss, the mind ends up being trapped scared of negative outcomes. When the mind gets consumed by pain and suffering, it loses touch with reality and leads to isolating. When the mind confronts its own condition, and recognizes that suffering is shared amongst all, the mind gets touger, and the eyes open wide, and the senses invigorate the body, you humans wake up and starting walking like gods because they own the ugly reality they live in and are not afraid of it anymore.

I wrote all of that just to comment on something you said “I have a belief that god wants me to be happy and fullfiled”

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but god doesn’t necessarily want you happy and fullfilled. God maybe wants you strong? Maybe wants you brave? Maybe wants you so deep and real you could look the devil in the eye and tell him to fuck off…

trust in god = being ok with her will no matter what. It is trust in her plan, not so much the mental states we are gonna be in as she runs her show

and there will be happiness and fullfilment down the road. It will just be the kind of happinnes that the greats can feel. Not happiness oh I ate chick fil-a I love america lol. The deep happiness that comes from being so strong and so willing to drop into the pain. And it would be the happiness that comes without attachement. The kind of happiness that feels like an unexpected gift.